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melc307
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Name: Melissa
Location: San Francisco, United States
Gender: Female
Interests: I enjoy curling up in my bed with a good book whether it's fiction or non-fiction, spending time with my friends, and visiting my fav sites. As for sports, I love Latin ballroom dancing! There's nothing like moving your body to the rhythm of the music and worry-free. I'm also very interested in manga, food, travel, and final fantasy. Last but not least, I LOVE music!!! No, I'm no expert in playing any musical instruments, but I cannot ignore the fact that I have a passion for music! =)
Expertise: Remembers friends' birthdays. I'm not sure whether it's a good thing or not.
Occupation: Student/Barista
Message: message me
MSN: melissa_csv89@hotmail.com
Member Since:
8/13/2005
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| Disappointments are inevitable as long as there are expectations. The higher the expectation of something or someone, the bigger the disappointment will be(or at least a higher chance of a big one). Recently, I've been plagued with disappointments in 2 places: school and at work.
School:
Since I've started studying at the college almost 3 years ago, I did not expect to make any friends. It's the type of school where people go in and out of different classes at different times according to their own schedule and needs. Even so, I can say that I've made friends(those that are still friends and some that are not anymore) and I'm grateful for that.
Just like any other previous semesters, I did not enter this semester to make friends. I've been in this school for far too long and I feel that I need to quickly get through my credits in order to transfer out. With that said, I did not consider person A as my friend at all when she approached me before class during the second week into the semester. Not even when she asked for my email to search for my profile in FB later (She couldn't find me in the Search anyway since I disabled it).
The first thought that popped into my head when she came up to me for the first time was, "What does she want out of me?". My initial response may seem cold to some people, but I've been used/trampled over/taken advantage of in the past by so-called "family" and "friends". I could tell that she was not genuine in becoming my friend.
Judging from my interactions with person A up until now, she has never showed interest in whatever I say apart from the answering her questions to me. Whenever I elaborate further on my answers, she starts tapping and playing with her cellphone with a bored "Uh-huh". From these conversations, she's only an acquaintance in my eyes.
However, I got really sick for the past two weeks and refused to see a doctor while going to work and school like I usually do. I bought and took medicine from Walgreens. These usually works, but it didn't work much this time. I was coughing so badly that my whole body shakes with each cough. For that 2 weeks, she seemed to show concern for me and nagged me to see the doctor.
Her "concern" got me thinking that maybe I've passed a judgement on her a little too fast. Maybe her lack of listening skills was because she's still getting use to socializing as she had told me before that she used to be very shy. I still do not consider her a friend, but I decided to give her a second chance.
Guess what?
She totally blew her second chance with me. Yesterday morning before class, she asked me if she can borrow my notes. I got suspicious and replied that I've not studied for the test, which is to be held tomorrow on Wed, so I need my notes. She immediately panicked and asked if I was free the next day, to which I replied that I had to work. I told her to just read the chapter reviews at the back of each chapters since she seemed so desperate. Her response to that raised a red flag to me. She dared to say, "That's too much work".  Are you fucking serious?!
However, I sympathized with her and lent her my notebook for 8 minutes before the class started. When I snuck a peek at her notebook while she was copying down my notes to it, it was bloody empty!  What the heck has she been doing in class throughout the semester so far?! Did she think that she will be able to pass this class with no notes at all?!
I could totally understand if she was sick or missed a class or two because of that, and needed notes from the classes she had missed. But she was freakin' copying the notes from the very beginning of my notebook!!! I couldn't believe that she had the audacity to do that!!!  I was bloody sick for 2 bloody weeks and yet, I still bloody attended classes, so that I would not miss any notes!
Were you sick?! Were you coughing so badly that your whole body shakes and make you nauseous?! Were you blowing your nose so frequent that your nose peels and hurts?! Did you have a headache throughout the whole day for 2 weeks straight? Are you working many hours while still going to school? NO! And yet, you had the audacity to ask notes from me two days before the test. The notes that I've painstakingly earned. 
It won't kill you to write notes while you're in class. That simple task is not as arduous as you think, especially when you weren't sick and definitely not disabled.
Person A,
Apart from the fact that I am disappointed in you, you disgust me too.
Work:
I won't go into details about what or who disappointed me in terms of work, since I might get in trouble for that. However, I'm heavily disappointed with the company and a certain people. Why would you bother to have a policy in paper if your employees are not protected by it in reality? I believed in and admired your mission statements, but some of the people that you hired from outside to high positions in the company are not following them. Who suffers and becomes the sacrifice for these people? The employees who have no authority, nor the voice over it.
Ugh. Talking about these kind of people leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
Over and out,
P.S. On a happier note, my lil bro has moved back into Bay Area!  Yay!
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| A San Franciscan, I learnt that:
- you can reuse compost. In fact, I heard that 70% of the city's trash are recycled and compost(ed).
- there is such a thing as cable cars that move on the streets.
- checking the Weather Forecast on the city's weather within 24 hours is really useful.
- the city's public transportation is convenient enough for people not to drive all the time. Despite the countless delays and breakdowns, they will still manage to get you to your destination (though not on time).
- summer doesn't necessarily mean sunny and hot. The city's summer tourists can tell you all about it.
A Barista, I learnt that:
- just because people are "educated" and have high-paying jobs, it doesn't mean that they know how to clean up after their own mess.
- many people are highly dependent on caffeine to get through their day.
- steaming milk is an art. You have to steam the milk to the right consistency before being able to make latte art. Think of it as preparing your paper before sketching.
- some customers are not appreciative of what we do everyday and nor do they treat us like people, ie. talking on the phone while they're at the register when there's a long line behind them, but gave us a look as if we are being rude to interrupt their phone conversation. Not to mention ignoring the beautiful heart that I made on their lattes by requesting for no foam AFTER I made their drink.
- there are still genuine wonderful people out there in this world. I'm glad and relieved.
An Adult, I learnt that:
- being too honest can be a bad thing. People will think you're an insensitive, immature brat.
- you have to allow yourself to make mistakes and admit it when you do. You then learn from them in order to grow as a person. Not making mistakes doesn't make you perfect. As what a Salsa instructor at Union Square once said, "If you make a mistake, just smile. If you smile, people will think it's your style."
- people will take their anger out on us just because they had a bad day. The thing to keep in mind is to not take it too personal.
- before you get defensive, you sometimes have to be more open and listen to other people's advice about you. By 'other people', I meant people who are honest about what they feel towards your actions or attitude because they genuinely care about you. You do not have to 100% agree with what they said about you. After all, they're not you. However, do give them the benefit of the doubt and think about what they said.
- the past is an ongoing relationship with the present and what you do in the present affects your future.
- we tend to not appreciate people and things until they're taken away from us.
- a relationship with another person in general, whether it's with your parents, siblings, friends, or spouses, requires lots of communication because it takes two to tango.
- conflicts can't be avoided when it comes to relationships. Try to put yourself in other people's shoes though. The other party will appreciate that you care about their point of view.
ME, I learnt that:
- you shouldn't do what you don't want others to do onto you. So, do not judge others lest you want others to judge you too.
- you can't live your life looking at yourself through someone else's lens. Nobody can live your life the way you do.
- life's a give and take. All of our actions, no matter how trivial, will affect the world. As John Muir said, "When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the universe."
- everyone is and has a mother, father, sister, brother, son, daughter, grandfather, grandmother, uncle, aunt, cousin, and friend. Remind yourself that before you claim to "hate" a person.
- hating someone is tiring and a waste of your life. Even if that someone ruined a part of your life, he or she had made you who you are today. And I'm honestly grateful for that.
- everybody is responsible for their own actions.
- you are special, but every other individuals are also unique in their own ways. So do not think you're above others.
- you are constantly learning about yourself throughout your whole life because life, including you, is a mystery and full of surprises. So do not even think you got your family members or friends all figured out when you haven't even completely figure yourself out.
These are a few life lessons that I have learnt so far.
Looking at life with a smile,
P.S. If you've noticed, I used the British way of spelling the past tense of 'learn'. 
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| I think I'm ugly,
Ain't nobody wants to love me,
Just like her I wanna be pretty,
I wanna be pretty,
Don't lie to my face,
Cuz I know I'm ugly.
Not that I think of myself as ugly. That was the chorus of the K-Pop group 2NE1's latest song 'Ugly'. Everybody can interpret a song anyway they like based on their experiences, right? Personally, that song represented how I felt since choir days and generally about singing.
I remembered that like any other kids, I enjoyed singing to songs that were played in the car radio. Ahh...what a carefree kid I was. On my first year of secondary school(middle school and high school), the school choir team performed during the morning assembly. I remembered that I was thinking "I want to sing like that. I want my voice to be part of that harmonious sound." Yea, that was one of the main reason why I joined the choir, as corny as it sounds.
When Jessie, the school music teacher, became one of our choir coaches in my third year, I didn't think much about it...until she told me I can't sing. In front of the whole team. I was the understudy in a play. The person who will be the first to go had the team had enough members for the competition. And Jessie never ceased to remind me that throughout the whole year when we won first in the interschool choir competition and represented the state as KL champions. What I had contributed to the team meant nothing to Jessie if I don't have the talent that she expected from her students.
I felt like the ugly duckling in the team, even though none of my fellow teammates treated me like one. Why do you care so much about what Jessie says, you asked? Because choir was my one escape from reality. I was deemed useless at home, so I excelled academically just for the sake of being good at something. Choir and singing was something that I thought that I wouldn't be judged individually because it's a group. If something goes wrong, the whole group is to be blamed, work on the mistakes, and grow as a team.
But instead of telling me what exactly are my mistakes, Jessie just told me that I can't sing. As if no matter how hard I would try to improve myself, I can't sing. However, I have to pat myself in the back though. Despite the numerous occasions that I've cried over her insults, I did not quit. I refused to quit because that was what she wanted and I will NOT give her something that she'll be happy about.
But her insults did make a profound impact on me. I stop singing altogether. I felt even too conscious to sing in the car anymore. Years later, I decided to take a Voice Class at my college in summer out of curiosity. After all, I could drop out anytime I want if I felt too uncomfortable. On the very first day of class, Ms. Hubbell(my voice teacher) made us write a history of our singing background, in which includes the times we ever sing in the car. She also called us musicians because our voice is an instrument and like an instrument, our voice needs lots of practice and good care to bring out the best of it.
Attending the voice class over the summer was one of the most memorable time of my life so far because it gave the courage to sing again. Ms. Hubbell was very encouraging and told me exactly what could be improved, even though I was still doubting myself a lot. She also forced every student to perform on stage to songs of their choice as our mid and final exams. This prevents the students from being judgmental on others' performance because everybody is subjected to the same fear.
I admit that having a singing career is not realistic, but I'm glad that somebody actually showed me that I'm not as bad as Jessie said I was. Ms. Hubbell gave me the confidence to sing again in the car. As one of the 2NE1 fans said,
U = U
G = Gotta
L = Love
Y = Yourself.
Signing out,
Summer Class of '09
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| It has been awhile since I've last written something here. I have been so busy trying to get all my assignments and research paper done, while trying to change my not-so-nice attitude at work due to stress, dealing with my landlord and roommates, and at the same time meeting the deadlines in paying for all my bills. Managing my finance and health was another problem too.
I finally got all my assignments and research paper done by now and found somebody to interview for my paper. Eric, my boyfriend's best friend, was willing to be interviewed through the phone on the night before the paper was due. It was not that I was doing it last minute. It was more like I've spent weeks trying to find somebody to interview and found none. The businesses at the place I was researching on refused to be interviewed, and none of the librarians at the Sunset branch apparently are knowledgeable about Sunset.
The librarians gave me the email address of an organization who are specialized of Sunset, but when I emailed SPEAK, they never got back to me. However, interviewing Eric was quite fun. He never lived in Sunset, but our professor told us that we can interview somebody who knows something that we want to know as an alternative. I've learned a bit more of him and the interview was quite informal, so it was not intimidating at all. In fact, it was full of laughter. Haha!
Speaking of places, researching on Sunset was very interesting. I managed to find some information on The Native Americans who once resided at the Bay Area, the Spanish missionaries who came afterwards, and then the brutal Anglo settlers(yea, I'm biased, but what they did towards the Native Americans really was brutal and inhuman). It was also interesting to learn that the Native Americans have an effective system in their culture where a wealthy person is not about how much he has, but defined by how much he is willing to share with others. It's interesting because it proves to me that humans are not born greedy.
The public library had many newspapers, clippings, and photos of Sunset area from the 40s to 90s. Lorri Ungaretti's Sunset District book provided images of what Sunset used to be too.
Sunset used to be desert-like and was part of the "Outside Lands". Sand dunes were everywhere and nobody lived in that area(well, I'm pretty sure Native Americans lived there before) until after the 1906 earthquake that drove everybody to the western part of San Francisco from Downtown. There were many stories of how kids used to play in the sand dunes. There was one story where this kid and her friends slide down one of the dunes while pretending that they're skiing in the snow.
After the research, I see Sunset in a different way now. Actually, I see San Francisco in a different way. Now I wonder what untold stories there are whenever I go to the different neighborhoods around the city. I've always love stories, particularly people's stories of their own life. No matter how mundane the stories seem to themselves, I find them very interesting. I believe that everybody has their own story to tell and everybody interprets each story in a different way. One story can have many different versions to it depending on the listener and the teller.
This leads me to judging people(Yea, my brain jumps). Everybody is someone's mother, father, brother, sister, and friend. You can hate someone for what they did, but you can't hate that person itself because you do not know him/her as well as you think to hate her. How you see or treat others reflects how you see or treat yourself.
Yes, I'm not perfect and do judge people often, but I'm aware of it and trying to change that attitude bit by bit through experiences in my life. Yes, I do not hate Justin Bieber, in case you're wondering. I actually like the song Baby. I just prefer Legaci and Cathy Nguyen's version of it. I do not hate anybody, not my father, nor even the bitch. I certainly hate what she had done to me and my family, but I do not know her, not even personally, to hate her as a person. As for my dad, he has his faults(some that traumatizes me), but he's still my father. What he had done affected me for life, but the past is never just a past anyway. It affects how my decisions everyday and also how I see the world(people AND the external environment).
This applies to Jason(Tony's friend) too. I learned a lot about myself from what he did or said to me back in the car during the 10-hour journey from Portland. Not that what he said is completely accurate and nor that he had any right to verbally attack me in that way. The thing is that what he said about me was how he saw himself. And though it's hard for me to admit because of my pride, certain things he said about me is somewhat true to a certain degree(depending on circumstances).
Like being assertive. I am an assertive person in general, but when it comes to being verbally assaulted by people, especially the ones I know, I tend to become passive. Because of that, I allowed myself to be a victim to it. I get very emotional and as a close friend of mine said, I tend to care too much about what other people think of me or I take things too personally. It is something I have been working on, especially at work. Being an emotional person while working at service department(aka customer service) has its unpleasant side to it.
However, being emotional has its positive side to it. Crying often actually makes me stay sane. Not to mention it's easy for me to smile and laugh too, which also helps enormously in customer service. And as naive as it sounds, making customers smile does make my day. Or at least makes my job more bearable. I guess that is one of the main reasons why I am on the register so much.
I do not really dislike being on the register, but it's more like I dislike that I'm on the register ALL THE TIME. I understand that the supervisors and manager puts me there because they had to think of efficiency during rush hour, but I do not get to be on bar often even on down time. How do you expect me to get better at bar, if I do not even get to practice much on it?! Yea, I'm complaining here because I feel like I shouldn't complain at work too much(my shift supervisors are actually aware how much I dislike being on the register often) or else I will not look good to others. I do appreciate that my shift supervisors putting me in bar for a few minutes a fair few times though. Yes, I'm not being assertive much, but my job is on the line, and hopefully keeping my mouth shut for now will somehow help me in the near future(as selfish as it sounds).
Speaking of job, I'll be able to work more hours beginning the last week of May because my finals are next week. I have been barely making enough to feed myself. I hope I have gained some weight back since the last time I weighed myself almost 2 months ago. I really cannot afford to lose anymore weight unless I want to be a walking skeleton. I'm glad to have a boyfriend who enjoys stuffing me with cookies and cakes. 
This post is getting longer than I thought. I'll stop ranting for now and looking forward to the Salsa party at the Square tomorrow. In addition to that, tomorrow will be the last day of class before the finals. Ahhh...bliss.
Yours truly,
Yes, I cut my hair short again.
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| Peace. You hear this word everyday from everywhere: People; media; the 'peace' sign in photos; etc... Everybody wishes for peace.
The Libyan rebels currently want peace by rebeling their country's leader, Gaddafi. Gaddafi and his supporters are fighting back too for the sake of peace. Egyptians managed to overthrow their government for peace. Us Americans hold a War On Terror campaign to rid of Al-Qaeda terrorists in the name of justice and peace. Terrorists do what they do because they believe that peace will be achieved in a longer term by stripping America from power that Americans have been over-abusing for far too long.
Some people believe that the world would be peaceful without gays causing scenes and disturbing their beliefs. Gays and supporters believe that the world will be a peaceful place to live without narrow-minded, discriminative people. Certain races think that their races are superior over others, and the world would be more peaceful without them. The overshadowed races wishes for more equity, and imagines a peaceful world with all races having equal opportunities and opinions that carry equal weight.
And the list goes on...
But if every sides of the arguments want peace, my question is: Is 'peace' ever achievable?
If it's all perspective, doesn't peace comes from within self?
I'm open to opinions from others. No hateful words allowed! What do you guys think about this?
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Crap Here~
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